maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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