So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
