Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
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All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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