Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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