JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Boobs are out for the taking
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
