i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
