I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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