moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
