ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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