Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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