OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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