well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
