I'm so fucking centered right now
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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