woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
