Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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