Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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