You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
