i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
