you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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