apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
