I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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