Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
