Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
