Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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