You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often