Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
