sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
