WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
