Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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