He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
