dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
