I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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