Tell her she can't have a vagina
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
