My liver just broke up with me...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
