Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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