Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize