They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
