I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
