woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
