he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Drake has all the answers
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
