I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
