Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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