if you like me you must not know who I am
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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