I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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