I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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