idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need to align my fucking chakras
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
