when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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