Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
