explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
