just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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