how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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