I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
