since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
