My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
