a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i now understand why vodka
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
