i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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