my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
