I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
