i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
