im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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