Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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