Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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