Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
