Betty ford says i'm here all night
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
