i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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