I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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