I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is Oprah even human
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
