i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
