I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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